Self Image

Just like every other teenage girl, weight ALWAYS bugs me. It's like it's always on my mind. "Don't eat that! You're too big! She's skinnier! Go workout!" Some days, I feel skinny. I look at myself in the mirror and I say "Damn girl, that cupcake didn't do anything to you last night!" But other days (most days), I avoid looking at myself in the mirror. So on one of those other days, I wrote this story for an English test. Weight was really bothering me at that moment and I just had to let my feelings out.
I proud to say I got 94% on the test :)
Tonight, is another one of those nights. So I typed up my story and decided to share it with you. Because I know a lot of girls go through the same thing as me, and guys too I guess.
Well here it is :) I really hope you'll like it. It's really cheesy at the end, I know, but I was running out of time in class so I quickly wrote an ending.
Enjoy :)

I’m watching this TV commercial with a thousand thoughts flying through my head.

“Lose weight instantly with this new diet!!” A skinny woman on the screen with long blonde hair tells me. “It’s easy, and easy to do! Even hear it from our customers!” She struts off the screen and a darker woman comes out to add her story.

“I was 180 pounds! After using this diet, I lost 60 pounds!” She shows a huge fake smile.

Instantly, I subtract the numbers “That means she weighs 120 pounds now…” I tell myself, remembering the last time I was on the scale.

I stepped on to the clean white plastic sucking in my stomach thinking that it would help. But a big 130 pounds came up.

I didn’t think it was that bad, I mean look at me. I’m 5’6; I have a big head and breasts. 130 isn’t fat. But are those just excuses? After I see this skinny woman with big breasts, maybe 120 is kind of big…

“Whatever.” I mutter aloud. With the press of a button that TV commercial isn’t telling me I’m fat anymore, but the woman’s voice still lingers in my mind. “I was 180 pounds… I lost 60 pounds!”

Slowly, I climb my stairs to head up to my bedroom. I flick my light switch on, and then turn to my laptop where I spend most of my free time on.

As soon as the internet opens, I type in ‘Facebook’ in the search bar, then log on. And what’s the first thing I see? An add telling me to go lose weight.

Once again, I try to ignore it, “I lost 60 pounds!” The woman brags to me once more.

I click on the ‘News Feed’ and start reading some statuses. I comment here and there, and post one of my own. It’s just a status about my day, nothing too interesting.

Scrolling down, a photo catches my eye. Kati Colbert is posing with some short shorts and a tank top. Curiously, I place my mouse on her pictures and click on it.

“She looks really skinny…” I say to myself, “I wish I had legs like that.” I let out a long sigh, and then scroll down to the comments.

“Looking good ;)” Andrew Dawson commented.

“OMG Im jealous!! U look soooo gorgeous!! :D <3” Michaela Smith commented.

I’ve never had people comment telling me that I’m gorgeous, or even pretty.

Bothered, I shut my laptop off. “It’s time to go to bed.” I inform myself. In my room, I start changing into my comfy pyjamas. As I lift up my shirts, and tug it over my head, I notice my bare body in the tall mirror hanging still on my wall.

Studying my body, I’m pushing and pinching every part of my body.

“You look terrible!” I scream at the disgusting person in the mirror, pinching every extra body fat that I have. “What is this?!” I scream at it again. “Why are you so ugly?”

I actually start crying, no, not crying, bawling. Tears stream down my face as I finish changing into my pyjamas.

After brushing my teeth and washing my face, I crawl into my warm bed and quietly cry myself to sleep.

I wake up with a damp pillow. And like every other day, I start preparing myself for school. Remembering what went on last night, I still feel like a piece of crap.

I leave my house wearing loose fitting clothes.

“I don’t want anyone to see me…” I mumble.

Because I didn’t take long to get ready, I patiently wait for my bus to minutes early. Listening to some good tunes, I’m hoping they’ll cheer me up.

Two minutes gone by and I continue standing like a status, waiting. My good friend Alex from down the street makes her way to our bus stop. I give her a sad pathetic wave, and she waves back. When she reaches our bus stop she jumps and says.

“Hey!”

“Hi.” My disappointed tone crushes her happiness.

“What’s wrong?” She asks politely.

“Oh, nothing.” I reply. Alex knows me too well; she knows that something is bugging me.

“It’s nothing.” I refuse to tell her about it. She glares at me then looks up and down my body, likes she’s analysing me. I think she just realized my problem, because her eyes just got instantly softer. She steps towards me, and hugs me.

“You’re beautiful, you really are. I’m like jealous of you most of the time. And if someone can’t see that, well something is seriously wrong with them. You don’t need to be super skinny like every super star to be beautiful. You are beautiful and it’s very obvious. Being you is real beauty.”

Alex holds me as I process everything she just told me. And she’s totally right. I am beautiful, no matter what my weight is. I‘m beautiful because I’m me, no one else.

“Thank,” I hug her back, “You’re beautiful too.”

So.... what did you think? I know, I know, the ending is sooo cheesy. But hey, who doesn't like cheese?
Please comment if you liked it or if you have any questions :) Oh and by the way, all the names were changed and I honestly don't know how much I weigh. I havn't checked in months, I'm just assuming it's around that.
Anyhoo, have a great night :)

Love you,


Laura <3